I can’t possibly argue with that change!

Your point about putting people off with quantity of information is spot on. A big part of convincing someone about the simplicity of information is done before they even interact with it, just by making it look manageable, whether that’s in quantity or style.

One thing, along the same lines as Ali’s note: could the second bold line not take the same active voice as the first? So it might say, “If you don’t want us to create…”

A small thing, but I think comparing the two is quite a good case study in the added energy and directness the active voice often adds.

Feels churlish to nit-pick though – if I ever have to consult such a form, I hope you’ll have been over it first!

If you need to put ‘please take time to read this leaflet’, you’ve failed. Imagine if we started putting disclaimers on commercial work. ‘Please take time to work out my obscure headline pun.’ ‘Please take time to squint at my overly small web text.’

Communication is the responsibility of the speaker, not the listener. NHS ‘customers’ don’t owe leaflet-writers any favours.